IT IS OVER AND DONE WITH

Alhamdulillah..praise to Allah swt..

I have completed my PhD. Alhamdulillah..

My viva was one of the scariest moments of my life..mmg berdegup je jantung..tak senang duduk..nervous sangat..I arrived 4 days before the viva..the day of arrival mmg agak penat..so, tak revise apa2 pun..even masa kat Malaysia pun I didn't do any revision sebab rasa mcm tak boleh nak masuk pun..so, anyway, I started revising for the next three days..flipping my thesis..saw some stupid and silly mistakes..written some notes..etc..

My viva was on the evening and the external examiner came from Surrey. So, I was informed by my supervisor that his flight got delayed so, mmg start lewat 30 minit..lagi la buat saya nervous.

Anyhow, the time came and they did try to make me feel comfortable..and my internal examiner siap cakap..it is not going to be an enjoyable one..but it will a meaningful experience for you..hahaha..how true!

The first 30 minutes was torturous...they asked basic questions that for me had nothing to do with my thesis..it was more on Physics instead of Fabrication..but then, they did help me and guide me to answer the best that I could. I remember sikit2 mana yang boleh and they gave me hints for me to try my best to answer the questions...it was such a difficult moment for me to say 'I don't know...' sebab mmg saya tak tahu..bila kenang2 balik mmg rasa sedih je..

Anyhow, after that they started to ask me about my thesis and I felt better by then. I tried to answer and commented on their questions. The good thing about my viva was that my external had to catch his flight later that evening, so, mmg time flew so fast..dah 2 jam and he was kinda rushing towards the end..mmg rezeki saya..Alhamdulillah..Allah permudahkan..

So, they asked to step out while they were discussing about me. After about 10 minutes, I was asked to come back in and my external examiner stood up to shake my hand and said congratulations..and what did I do?

I cried my eyes out!! I cried while shaking his hand...and I cried again when I shook my internal examiner's hand...I said thank you..thank you so much..my supervisor pun bergenang je mata dia..terharu sangat tgk drama..hahaha..!

After that, I called Mr. PIC and then I called my mom..mmg tak tau la nak describe mcm mana..happy and rasa mcm tak sangka dah habis..

Tapi actually belum habis lagi la kan..I had to do my corrections. They wanted to give me 1 month correction period but since I had to go back to Malaysia, they gave me 6 months..but for me, I wanted to finish everything sebelum balik Malaysia for good..it will be very distracting for me to do it in Malaysia..plus senang nak access data at school..so, I tried my best to finish my corrections in that one final week. I met my internal examiner that helped me a lot as he tried to improve certain part of my thesis..ye la, sebab dia pun yg kena bagi that final approval...

16th March 2012 marked the day that I had submitted my hard-bound thesis..As I walked to the graduate school, rasa sebak bila pegang my thesis tu..it was only at that time, I realized that this is it. Before that mmg tak sempat nak rasa apa2..sebab busy prepare mcm2...rasa mcm sedih pun ada..happy pun ada..

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I am back in UIA..baru je lapor diri last week and so far, things are okay I suppose. Masih rasa overwhelmed with new responsibilities because now you must try to be active in research..hmm..with great power, comes great responsibilities..hehehe..I am still green..cannot imagine being a supervisor to a Master student..apatah lagi PhD student..but I know that I must start somewhere.

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Next is trying to have a baby of our own..belum jumpa doktor or anything like that lagi..we are trying to conceive naturally dulu..at the moment, me and Mr. PIC are trying to shed off some..well..more like a lot of excess fat..hehehe..so, we signed up to a gym..baru je 2 minggu start..belum la nampak hasilnya pun..rasa makin berisi ada la..hahaha..! Mana taknya lepas gym je rasa lapar semacam..so, singgah la makan..cover la balik all the burned calories..:)

So, anyhow, that's it from me for now. Will try to update more soon and more frequently, InsyaAllah..

AN UPDATE

Ahah..dah sebulan dah..yes, I have been home for a month already :)

But, next week Sunday, I will fly back to Newcastle. Why?

My viva will be on the 2nd of March!

Ya Allah, Ya Rabbi..I am so nervous. At the moment, I am waiting for a journal to be published. My first PhD publication. I am praying that it will be accepted, InsyaAllah.

If this happen, I will be more confident to face my viva. Otherwise, hmm..rasa susah hati la jugak..

Anyhow, I arrived on 16th January. Tapi my family didn't know pun..mmg plan nak surprise..Mr.PIC je yang tahu. Tapi I pity him la jugak as he had to try to avoid answering my mom's question on when will I be coming home. I told my mom I'll be back on the 20th mcm tu..so, kiranya mmg nak suprisekan dia la.

Bila masuk rumah, my mom was in the kitchen. I just said hi..well, she was surprised tapi takdela drama mcm 'Oh anakku..kau sudah pulang nak..'..hehehe..nah, she is not like that I guess..but I knew she was really surprise and to see me.

Hmm..aha, we finally bought a house..well, a condominium which is near mom's house. Nak beli landed house that is near our work place and easy to access any highway, mmg susah la nak dapat yg within our budget..so, this condo is very convenient. Sekarang tgh tunggu loan approval..nanti baru la boleh sign S&P..hopefully boleh dapat kunci by then..ingat nak renovate sikit.

Aha, another big news is that, my mom and my aunt are coming with me to UK. At first, masa my mom tanya whether she could come with me, I hesitated and said I need to focus la mak..I was just afraid that I couldn't entertain her..so, I suggested that she asked my aunt to come as well..at least ada kawan..ye la, dua2 dah pencen..she agreed and my aunt pun setuju. It was stressful to arrange plans for them. Nak pegi London and Paris as well..tapi I am not going la..ye la, after my viva..I will be doing my corrections pulak..hopefully tak banyak la corrections kan..*nervous mode on*...kat London and Paris, my sister in Dublin pulak will take over..lama my mom tak jumpa my sister ni..dah 2 years dah..so, it will be great to meet her as well.

Makan? I have fulfilled most of my cravings. My weight is increasing as I am typing this entry. Asyik makan jek. Haihh..

I haven't started my revision pun lagi. Will try to read my thesis again by next week. Must brush up on my basics as well. Normally, during viva, mmg kena strengthen your basics.

Alright then, till the next entry..which I am not sure when..take care and wish me luck!

PENAT

I am going home pretty soon, since I don't know when is my viva, might as well I just go home.

So, basically I am pretty tired with packing and I am still doing corrections for my paper. Now I know how hard it is to publish a paper. Back and forth dengan supervisor pun maybe sampai 4-5 kali agaknya..sampai la dia puas hati. Of course dia nak yg terbaik..nama pun co-author kan, kena maintain reputation.

I am feeling nervous sangat tunggu viva ni. I have this unsure feeling about the quality of my thesis, although when my research associate read it, he said it was okay, hence, I suppose it is alright. I haven't flipped through my thesis for 3 weeks now..just scared to spot stupid mistakes. Hehehe..nanti la..once I get a viva date, I need to start revising again.

Hubby is feeling depress and I am trying my best to support him. He is tired of listening to the cliché phrases..sabar la..ada hikmah..you know that kind of phrases. So, normally I just tried to take his mind off whatever that is bothering him. If only I could turn back time..there is that one thing I wish I hadn't ask him to do...*sigh*..

2012

Happy New Year 2012!

I don't know why I feel so sad that 2011 had ended. Rasa syahdu sangat.

2012 will be a brand new challenge for me. InsyaAllah, I will start working back at the university, something that I kinda dreaded..hehehe..well, working I mean.

PhD journey was like a fantasy world to me. A torture fantasy..but a fantasy nevertheless. You just studied hard and get it done where you don't have to deal with office politics, rules and what not.

I have this idea in my head that after the 7-year-bond, I would want to do something else. A business maybe. I am thinking of taking sewing lessons. Hehehe..I love browsing through websites where people can produce handbags, beautiful dresses..*sigh*..I really want to know how to do that.

I watched the movie Shall We Dance? on BBC iplayer just now. I cried towards the end seeing the love between Susan Sarandon and Richard Gere. No need the cliché hugs and kisses..simple gestures by accepting and forgiving like that meant a lot. I was really crying. Moreover with this 'syahdu' feeling..lagi la emotional..

On another note, I am so looking forward to go home. I hope I can do so in another couple of weeks. In the mean time, I better enjoy my time here as much as I can despite not being able to spend it with Mr. PIC..

Viva? I didn't read my Thesis again for 2 weeks now..I am not ready to spot any mistakes yet. Hahaha..I know eventually I have to read it again and start to revise all the referred papers..hmm..worried of course. I forwarded an electronic version of my thesis to my internal examiner and he replied 'I am looking forward to reading this'..OMG..was he being sarcastic? hahaha..! I am scared of him actually. Intimidated I suppose.

What a way to start your new year. Sad and frightened at the same time. The common thing to say is 2012, bring it on..for me, today, from the bottom of my heart, I really wanted to say 2011, Don't Go.......