IT IS OVER AND DONE WITH

Alhamdulillah..praise to Allah swt..

I have completed my PhD. Alhamdulillah..

My viva was one of the scariest moments of my life..mmg berdegup je jantung..tak senang duduk..nervous sangat..I arrived 4 days before the viva..the day of arrival mmg agak penat..so, tak revise apa2 pun..even masa kat Malaysia pun I didn't do any revision sebab rasa mcm tak boleh nak masuk pun..so, anyway, I started revising for the next three days..flipping my thesis..saw some stupid and silly mistakes..written some notes..etc..

My viva was on the evening and the external examiner came from Surrey. So, I was informed by my supervisor that his flight got delayed so, mmg start lewat 30 minit..lagi la buat saya nervous.

Anyhow, the time came and they did try to make me feel comfortable..and my internal examiner siap cakap..it is not going to be an enjoyable one..but it will a meaningful experience for you..hahaha..how true!

The first 30 minutes was torturous...they asked basic questions that for me had nothing to do with my thesis..it was more on Physics instead of Fabrication..but then, they did help me and guide me to answer the best that I could. I remember sikit2 mana yang boleh and they gave me hints for me to try my best to answer the questions...it was such a difficult moment for me to say 'I don't know...' sebab mmg saya tak tahu..bila kenang2 balik mmg rasa sedih je..

Anyhow, after that they started to ask me about my thesis and I felt better by then. I tried to answer and commented on their questions. The good thing about my viva was that my external had to catch his flight later that evening, so, mmg time flew so fast..dah 2 jam and he was kinda rushing towards the end..mmg rezeki saya..Alhamdulillah..Allah permudahkan..

So, they asked to step out while they were discussing about me. After about 10 minutes, I was asked to come back in and my external examiner stood up to shake my hand and said congratulations..and what did I do?

I cried my eyes out!! I cried while shaking his hand...and I cried again when I shook my internal examiner's hand...I said thank you..thank you so much..my supervisor pun bergenang je mata dia..terharu sangat tgk drama..hahaha..!

After that, I called Mr. PIC and then I called my mom..mmg tak tau la nak describe mcm mana..happy and rasa mcm tak sangka dah habis..

Tapi actually belum habis lagi la kan..I had to do my corrections. They wanted to give me 1 month correction period but since I had to go back to Malaysia, they gave me 6 months..but for me, I wanted to finish everything sebelum balik Malaysia for good..it will be very distracting for me to do it in Malaysia..plus senang nak access data at school..so, I tried my best to finish my corrections in that one final week. I met my internal examiner that helped me a lot as he tried to improve certain part of my thesis..ye la, sebab dia pun yg kena bagi that final approval...

16th March 2012 marked the day that I had submitted my hard-bound thesis..As I walked to the graduate school, rasa sebak bila pegang my thesis tu..it was only at that time, I realized that this is it. Before that mmg tak sempat nak rasa apa2..sebab busy prepare mcm2...rasa mcm sedih pun ada..happy pun ada..

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I am back in UIA..baru je lapor diri last week and so far, things are okay I suppose. Masih rasa overwhelmed with new responsibilities because now you must try to be active in research..hmm..with great power, comes great responsibilities..hehehe..I am still green..cannot imagine being a supervisor to a Master student..apatah lagi PhD student..but I know that I must start somewhere.

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Next is trying to have a baby of our own..belum jumpa doktor or anything like that lagi..we are trying to conceive naturally dulu..at the moment, me and Mr. PIC are trying to shed off some..well..more like a lot of excess fat..hehehe..so, we signed up to a gym..baru je 2 minggu start..belum la nampak hasilnya pun..rasa makin berisi ada la..hahaha..! Mana taknya lepas gym je rasa lapar semacam..so, singgah la makan..cover la balik all the burned calories..:)

So, anyhow, that's it from me for now. Will try to update more soon and more frequently, InsyaAllah..

AN UPDATE

Ahah..dah sebulan dah..yes, I have been home for a month already :)

But, next week Sunday, I will fly back to Newcastle. Why?

My viva will be on the 2nd of March!

Ya Allah, Ya Rabbi..I am so nervous. At the moment, I am waiting for a journal to be published. My first PhD publication. I am praying that it will be accepted, InsyaAllah.

If this happen, I will be more confident to face my viva. Otherwise, hmm..rasa susah hati la jugak..

Anyhow, I arrived on 16th January. Tapi my family didn't know pun..mmg plan nak surprise..Mr.PIC je yang tahu. Tapi I pity him la jugak as he had to try to avoid answering my mom's question on when will I be coming home. I told my mom I'll be back on the 20th mcm tu..so, kiranya mmg nak suprisekan dia la.

Bila masuk rumah, my mom was in the kitchen. I just said hi..well, she was surprised tapi takdela drama mcm 'Oh anakku..kau sudah pulang nak..'..hehehe..nah, she is not like that I guess..but I knew she was really surprise and to see me.

Hmm..aha, we finally bought a house..well, a condominium which is near mom's house. Nak beli landed house that is near our work place and easy to access any highway, mmg susah la nak dapat yg within our budget..so, this condo is very convenient. Sekarang tgh tunggu loan approval..nanti baru la boleh sign S&P..hopefully boleh dapat kunci by then..ingat nak renovate sikit.

Aha, another big news is that, my mom and my aunt are coming with me to UK. At first, masa my mom tanya whether she could come with me, I hesitated and said I need to focus la mak..I was just afraid that I couldn't entertain her..so, I suggested that she asked my aunt to come as well..at least ada kawan..ye la, dua2 dah pencen..she agreed and my aunt pun setuju. It was stressful to arrange plans for them. Nak pegi London and Paris as well..tapi I am not going la..ye la, after my viva..I will be doing my corrections pulak..hopefully tak banyak la corrections kan..*nervous mode on*...kat London and Paris, my sister in Dublin pulak will take over..lama my mom tak jumpa my sister ni..dah 2 years dah..so, it will be great to meet her as well.

Makan? I have fulfilled most of my cravings. My weight is increasing as I am typing this entry. Asyik makan jek. Haihh..

I haven't started my revision pun lagi. Will try to read my thesis again by next week. Must brush up on my basics as well. Normally, during viva, mmg kena strengthen your basics.

Alright then, till the next entry..which I am not sure when..take care and wish me luck!

PENAT

I am going home pretty soon, since I don't know when is my viva, might as well I just go home.

So, basically I am pretty tired with packing and I am still doing corrections for my paper. Now I know how hard it is to publish a paper. Back and forth dengan supervisor pun maybe sampai 4-5 kali agaknya..sampai la dia puas hati. Of course dia nak yg terbaik..nama pun co-author kan, kena maintain reputation.

I am feeling nervous sangat tunggu viva ni. I have this unsure feeling about the quality of my thesis, although when my research associate read it, he said it was okay, hence, I suppose it is alright. I haven't flipped through my thesis for 3 weeks now..just scared to spot stupid mistakes. Hehehe..nanti la..once I get a viva date, I need to start revising again.

Hubby is feeling depress and I am trying my best to support him. He is tired of listening to the cliché phrases..sabar la..ada hikmah..you know that kind of phrases. So, normally I just tried to take his mind off whatever that is bothering him. If only I could turn back time..there is that one thing I wish I hadn't ask him to do...*sigh*..

2012

Happy New Year 2012!

I don't know why I feel so sad that 2011 had ended. Rasa syahdu sangat.

2012 will be a brand new challenge for me. InsyaAllah, I will start working back at the university, something that I kinda dreaded..hehehe..well, working I mean.

PhD journey was like a fantasy world to me. A torture fantasy..but a fantasy nevertheless. You just studied hard and get it done where you don't have to deal with office politics, rules and what not.

I have this idea in my head that after the 7-year-bond, I would want to do something else. A business maybe. I am thinking of taking sewing lessons. Hehehe..I love browsing through websites where people can produce handbags, beautiful dresses..*sigh*..I really want to know how to do that.

I watched the movie Shall We Dance? on BBC iplayer just now. I cried towards the end seeing the love between Susan Sarandon and Richard Gere. No need the cliché hugs and kisses..simple gestures by accepting and forgiving like that meant a lot. I was really crying. Moreover with this 'syahdu' feeling..lagi la emotional..

On another note, I am so looking forward to go home. I hope I can do so in another couple of weeks. In the mean time, I better enjoy my time here as much as I can despite not being able to spend it with Mr. PIC..

Viva? I didn't read my Thesis again for 2 weeks now..I am not ready to spot any mistakes yet. Hahaha..I know eventually I have to read it again and start to revise all the referred papers..hmm..worried of course. I forwarded an electronic version of my thesis to my internal examiner and he replied 'I am looking forward to reading this'..OMG..was he being sarcastic? hahaha..! I am scared of him actually. Intimidated I suppose.

What a way to start your new year. Sad and frightened at the same time. The common thing to say is 2012, bring it on..for me, today, from the bottom of my heart, I really wanted to say 2011, Don't Go.......

OMBAK RINDU

Watched Ombak Rindu..the Malay movie that made many viewers cried buckets. Based on their FB statuses of course.

NOT ME though..hehehe..

I didn't enjoy it very much and I didn't read the novel either. I just thought I watched it cause I have nothing better to do. Hehehe..

1. I think Maya Karin was not suitable to be Izzah. She has a different slang to her Malay. So, I felt weird about it. I am still thinking who should be Izzah. Tiz Zaqyah possibly but maybe that would be typical as well because of her role in Nur Kasih..so, who else is there? But don't get me wrong, Maya Karin did her job very well.
2. Aaron Aziz was great. He is indeed a good actor
3. I really liked the dialogues that were prepared for Hariz. It was similar to everyday conversations..well, most of the scenes la..not all..unlike the dialogues for Izzah..I mean, for example 'Di sini lah Izzah cuba lari dari Abang tapi di sini lah Abang juga beritahu yang Abang sayangkan Izzah, ombak dan pantai menjadi saksi..bla bla bla..' Hahaha..everyday conversation cakap macam ni ke? That is why Yasmin Ahmad's films were good and close to heart sebab her dialogues were real..her dialogues ye not her scenes..sebab I do feel like sometimes some of her scenes were over the top.
4. I wish Izzah is more real as a woman yg berkongsi suami. Sure akan ada rasa geram bila your husband has to go out with the other wife. I wish there is some humour in her character. Not much, just a bit. Like maybe give some kind of evil eye look when Mila and Hariz was leaving or something like that. It would be nice to laugh a bit and be sympathetic with her. I tried to be but I can't cause she was too soft. You know who I like as a strong woman character, the lawyer character acted by Fazura in Tahajjud Cinta. She was great in that role.

I have a lot to say and I felt like creating a forum about it. Hahaha..but well, overall, it is not a bad movie. Just basically ok.

Normally, what made me cry when I watched a movie is when it involves parents and their children. Like the movie Cinta and the ending of Nur Kasih where Afida Es remembered her son and hugged him. *sigh*..mmg bergenang airmata..

So,anyway, at least I have one entry for today :)

PHEW...

Submitted my thesis this morning. Yeay!

But not without a drama!

I actually submitted yesterday evening, ingat pagi ni dapat la bangun tidur feeling calm and free. Anyway, after submission, I went back to school and my friends congratulated me etc..then one of them made a joke about 'the worst thing that can happened is if your title is wrong due to spelling etc'..I laughed and I looked at the cover page of my first draft and there it was!

A grammar mistake! It should Fabrication and not Fabricating! OMG!

Dah la ni jenis bind yg glued the pages together, something like a book. If it was mcm yg ring-binding tu then it would be easier to change la kan. So, it was 4.30pm then, graduate school closed at 5pm. I rushed back to the building and I asked the reception whether I can take it back..the people from graduate school told me that it was just a soft bound copy and not the hard bound copy..so not to worry..but I told her..I will not be able to sleep tonight..hehehe..so, I took it back, printed out the correct cover page and jadi mcm kraftangan session la pulak..in the end, I managed to slide the cover page in the slot and glued it again. Haihh..mcm2..yang kelakarnya, even my supervisor and his research associate pun can missed it. That's what happened if you were too focused on the content, sampai small things boleh tak perasan.

But to be honest, after submission, I don't feel like super-happy or anything like that. I think because I know there will be the viva session and after I pass that, yes, I can be super-happy and excited sampai keluar airmata. I wish Mr. PIC was here, tengah ada free time macam ni mmg seronok kalau dapat jalan2 kan?

Well..last night, me and my colleagues celebrated my submission day despite the drama because theoretically I had submitted..hehehe..but Alhamdulillah, it all ends well.

The thing is, I can't go home yet, because I have to do some lab work in Durham to publish a journal (finally!)..so, I hope and pray I can come home before mama's birthday (22nd January)..

So, again Alhamdulillah..thesis submitted!

Yeay :)

MODERATION

Me and hubby..we didn't have a big fancy wedding u know..but it was meriah la..as any wedding should be..our honeymoon was at Langkawi and we stayed at Andaman..it was so lovely. Sometimes I do feel a tang of jealousy when newly-weds went to honeymoon kat Bali ke, Koh Samui ke..

But then, when he was here, we had the best time travelling to Paris and Barcelona..it was a tight budget vacation..no fancy hotel..no Eiffel Tower view..we were just being moderate I guess..tapi kdg2 mmg teringin sangat nak splurge..

The point here is, both us would love that...driving fancy cars..5 stars vacation..we want that..but we thought way ahead..you know..in case we need money kinda thing..I have witnessed a number of people that just have this image of such a fancy lifestyle...driving a beamer..living in a fancy house..vacations..but actually..hmm...there are so many layers to that image..it just that sometimes you have to prioritize.. get things that you need and not what you want..of course not all the time la..apa salahnya pun if sometimes you splurge..

Hmm..this post is starting to be heading nowhere..I miss home. Really I do. I am currently feeling very hopeful that it scares the shit out of me..hence, this pointless entry.

I gave a talk last week to a bunch of people in my research group. I was so nervous that I could actually faint. But, Alhamdulillah..it went well..after the first 2-3 slides..I felt very confident and everything was ok. People got back to me saying that they enjoyed the talk. It made me feel all good inside. I haven't felt that way about my research for a while..so, it was great I suppose. The most scary thing people could say to a PhD candidate is .."Is that all you did?"..huhuhu..I guess that's why I felt so nervous.

I can't wait to settle down in KL. Mr.PIC is looking for a house for us..*excited*..tapi rumah yg dekat with my university mmg mahal la..he wouldn't buy it yet..just looking around..do I have to stay as far Sungai Buloh or Rawang? Maybe..if I want a nice house with gardens with reasonable price I suppose. Kondominium pun ok..but my mom is really against that..hmm..she prefers a nice proper house..

Anyway..I need to go down to the kitchen..have some cooking to do tomorrow at my friend's house. Libyan style :)